Do you ever think that you’re pretty solid in your recovery, only to wake up to an overwhelming feeling of frustration and dissatisfaction? That was my experience these last few weeks. Except this time, I knew that the problem was all me –cue Taylor Swift.. “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s meAt tea time, […]
14 years ago, I didn’t think that I had a problem. It was my loved ones who needed help. Not me. Boy was I wrong. If you are new to recovery, this may come as a shock, but we all need recovery. But, what exactly does that look like? Let me share some thoughts, but […]
I am a decent cook. I used to be a good cook. Cooking has taught me many things. Growing up in the 70’s & 80’s, I ate my fair share of casseroles. Back then, I was not a fan. There were too many things mixed together. I wanted food that I could identify. My mother […]
I got a call from someone lost. I will call the person, Joe. Joe was at his bottom. He’d run out of ideas. He’d tried everything he could to help his loved one deal with their addiction. He’d exhausted every idea within HIS power and he came up short. So he reached out for help. […]
I talked about sober January last post to give you an overview. Now, let’s get into the nuts and bolts of what that looks like for us. What we need to find sobriety from is our emotions or feelings. If you want to ‘try on sobriety’ for the month of January to see if it […]
Chipping away at the stigma of addiction is near and dear to my heart but it wasn’t until I was asked to speak on the topic of engaging families and parishes into recovery where I gave any thought as to how or where to start dealing with such a big job. The stigma surrounding addiction, […]
Christmas is a loaded time of year. There are so many expectations attached to this holiday that even in the best of circumstances, it can be hard to make it through the season without a few disappointments. When our families have been affected by addiction or even when our families don’t do their individual work […]
The last two weeks, I’ve been building up to a talk that I initially gave to an audience at Guest House at their annual dinner that highlights the important work that they do with Roman Catholic priests and religious in recovery from drugs, alcohol or mental health issues. Then this week, I gave the same […]
When I learned that my family members suffered from an addiction to drugs and alcohol, I knew 2 things for sure: I knew that their addiction was a spiritual problem and I knew that I could not take this problem to my parish for support. This knowledge left me baffled about what to do next. […]
It’s been a very busy season. In October I was offered a unique opportunity. I was asked to be the keynote speaker for the Bishop’s Dinner honoring Guest House, a treatment center for Roman Catholic priest and religious. This year’s theme was, “Recovery as a Bridge: Engaging Families and Parishes into Recovery.” The morning of […]
A few years ago, I became aware of a parish who’d lost a high school student to overdose. While talking to parents in the area, I learned that this was the third death in a six-month period of time in their Catholic high school due to the effects of drugs and alcohol. I decided to […]
I remember the day that I showed up for my first ever 12-step meeting. I was early. No-one was there yet. I sat nervously outside the basement door of the Episcopal Church dreading the next hour. I did not want to be there. I did not want to be a member of this club. One […]
My beloved readers, I know that most of you have been negatively affected by drugs and alcohol and so let me ask you to please indulge me in this post. For the sake of growth, I’d like for you to read it with an open mind. I grew up in a small town in a […]
I used to watch the reality television program, “19 Kids and Counting.” Could you really disconnect from society and be as happy and successful as they appeared to be? Could you develop a system of rules that would keep everyone in line and insure success in the family? Well, it would certainly be nice if […]
I realize that I am a day late for the feast day of Ignatius Loyola, still, let me share a few perspectives of Ignatian spirituality that have been helpful to me in my recovery from the addictions of others and in my addictions from my own harmful ways of being. I hope that you will […]
My sisters came to my house a few weeks back to make strawberry jam. There are three of us. My oldest sister, Jane is 11 years older than me. My sister Joy is 8 years older than me. It wasn’t until we were adults that they felt less like second-mothers and more like sisters. I […]
I’ve been in a period of mourning since the season and perhaps the series finale of Ted Lasso aired. I watch these episodes again and again, catching little things that I might have missed before. I love story. And I love good characters. This show excels at both. When I stumble upon a gem like […]
I remember thinking that when my loved one stopped drinking, that our problems would be over… I’ve since learned how naive this kind of thinking is. If you are new to recovery, you need to know that drugs and alcohol are not the problem. They are a symptom. And while the symptom causes additional problems, […]
When you are the first member of your family to change, it is going to be difficult. Resistance will meet you at every corner. Change feels very uncomfortable. It will be hard. But hard is not impossible. If you think about it, hard is easier than living the way that you’ve been living. It’s like […]
When I was growing up I had a very controlling great aunt who had no children. She was my grandmother’s youngest sister. Because she was unable to have children, she picked favorite nieces and nephews to dote on. If you were one of her ‘favorites’ this devotion came with strings attached. I remember my grandmother […]
Bill Wilson was truly ahead of his time. One of the topics that he’d hoped to explore before he died was one that he considered to be a root problem of addiction: emotional sobriety. He described emotional sobriety as “real maturity and balance in our relations with ourselves, with our fellows and with God.” It […]
“I trust in God,” I used to say without much thought. Or, “At least I have my faith.” But what do those things mean? Do I really mean it? What do they mean to you? Have you ever thought about faith? What is the difference between faith and trust? I’m doing the spiritual exercises in […]
I saw this phrase when I was scrolling Instagram yesterday. I liked it so much I shared it on my stories. It resonated with a lot of people there. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So, I created my own slide using it. I think it is an iteration of the 12-step phrase, ‘If you […]
A 12-step friend told me about an experience that he had in a meeting. There was a newcomer who shared and my friend’s first thought was to respond… “I stopped myself because I have a rule: “I don’t speak until he speaks.” He’s pointing up as he says this. Honestly, I can’t remember anymore of […]
I’ve been watching a new show called, “Shrinking” on a streaming service (Apple TV) that some may find offensive. It has a lot of language, sex, drugs and alcohol abuse. If you are triggered or offended, you shouldn’t watch it. In the past, I will admit that the language, sex, and drugs/alcohol would have kept […]
“Ma’am?” I turned, wondering if the voice was speaking to me. I found the speaker, then noticed that he was looking at a woman. “Have you eaten today?” “Have I eaten?” His voice lifted. He seemed unsure and seeking confirmation that she would be talking to him; perhaps offering him food. “Do you like cheeseburgers?” […]
My dad used to get angry if he thought that one of us kids was being lazy. His anger was over the top. Over the last 13 years I started to understand that as the child of an alcoholic, he had conflated laziness with alcoholism. Since his father’s disease kept him from working, my dad […]
As I was leaving my annual physical, the doctor stopped me in the hallway, “Hey, your labs came back from your last appointment. You’re normal on all tests.” “Oh that’s good.” Then, I laughed, “Actually that’s a first. I don’t think anyone has ever called me normal before. “My doctor chuckled and said, “Let […]
I climbed into my bed, between fresh flannel sheets and turned on the television. I was seeking refuge from the biting cold and the busyness of the Christmas season. I looked through the guide hoping for anything but a Christmas movie. For the last 6 years, I’ve worked a seasonal job at the mall. I […]
The most powerful lessons that I’ve been taught occurred when I stopped trying. Out of frustration, I throw my hands in the air and say, “Okay Lord, I don’t know what to do. I give up.” Then whatever situation or thing that I was trying to change stopped ruling my life. Getting to the place […]
A few years ago, I attended a retreat at Ignatius House in Atlanta, GA and Father Greg Boyle, SJ directed the retreat. He told many stories but the one story that seems to have embedded itself into my heart is the one that he tells above. Father Greg is a hero to me. I believe […]
Praying a novena with 12-step guidance. […]
I’ve been married to an equine veterinarian (horse doctor) for 36 years. In that span of time, I’ve come to understand one of the most humble creatures in the equine family: the donkey. Seasoned horse owners sometimes take a weanling horse and tie him to a donkey and turn them out to pasture for a […]
I’ve been trying to consider the best tips that have helped me in my recovery journey. This nugget was the one that changed me the most. That is why I’m offering it right before your family gathers in for the Thanksgiving holiday. At my first 12-step meeting, I was surprised to learn that I was […]
I dream of walking the Camino de Santiago de Compostela one day. The Camino de Santiago (the Way of St. James) is a large network of ancient pilgrim routes stretching across Europe and coming together at the tomb of St. James (Santiago in Spanish) in Santiago de Compostela in north-west Spain. Movies like Wild and The Way […]
If you show up at a 12-step meeting for friends and family members, it won’t take long before someone tells you to mind your own business. “You need to get out of God’s way” is usually the next piece of advice. Out in the world when we tell someone to mind their own business it […]
In the first pages of every book is a dedication page. Authors use this page to offer up the work that they have created to someone they hope to honor. During the final stages of edits, I was asked to begin thinking about who I wanted to dedicate my work to. My answer came quickly: […]
I went to the doctor last week for my semi-annual appointment. He asked me how I was feeling to which I said, “fine.” I thought it was casual conversation. Again, he asked, “Are you feeling okay?” At this point, I was starting to wonder myself. “I think so.” I said, meaning it. “Well your blood […]
My recovery requires me to let go of my loved ones. I can’t do this without a strong faith in God. It only requires a small amount to start… […]
You might be surprised by what the face of recovery really looks like. […]
Back in July, my parish book club read my book, Helping Families Recover from Addiction. After they finished, they invited me to speak to their small group (5-7 people). When I walked into the room there were almost 10 people present. By the time we started, that number climbed to 20. I believe that my […]
“Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use.” Emily Post Thinking of my southern grandmother immediately calls to mind the smell of warm yeast rolls, cooling on a kitchen rack, fresh out of the oven. But, it also […]
I wonder if over-the-top portrayal of addiction frightens people enough to hide… Often when I see a movie or tv show about addiction, I change the channel. I bristle when there is an over the top portrayal of the disease. It’s like hearing someone with no real knowledge of how a southern accent sounds trying […]
In my 12-step community, we talk about boundaries a lot. Boundaries are one of the best tools that we have. They are so important that entire books have been written on the subject. Since, I’m busy these days, I wanted to look for a small dose of information. Brene Brown’s “Atlas of the Heart: Mapping […]
“Every human being has a true genuine authentic self. Trauma is the disconnection from it and healing is the reconnection to it.” Gabor Mate, MD There was a story that made its way around social media platforms about a kindergartener who returned from the bathroom exclaiming, “I pottyed” only his pants and underwear were still […]
I was at Ave Maria Grotto in Cullman Alabama on Saturday selling/signing my book. Sitting at the table next to me was a young author who wrote a book on anxiety. Since our books are in the same genre, it was fitting that we sat together. Seeing the name of our books, some people would […]
I remember the day that I decided to stop being afraid. Even though it was a quiet decision, deeply held within my being, everything shifted. I try to remember what brought me to it but it remains elusive. Maybe it was a shift in tactic; from fleeing to fighting. Maybe it was a mustard seed’s […]
On a particularly crisp Autumn night, our meeting-room filled to capacity. There were no available seats left in the rows of tables arranged together to form a square. We started our meeting with the Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things […]
If you are alive and connected to any sort of electronic device, you’ve seen this picture. You’ve heard many arm-chair commentators give you their perception of what occurred on Oscar night 2022. The thing that was so surprising to me was how we, as a people (me included) automatically take sides. It seems to be […]
When my husband and I lived in northeastern Ohio early in our married life, we lived next door to a botanist. His wife was an avid gardener who grew up in Trinidad. I wouldn’t really call their yard a yard. It was more like a garden with grass walkways. It started with one bed, then […]
I love surprises. But I’m finding that the best ones come to me in waves instead of a jump-out-from-behind-the-furniture-shout-of-surprise kind of moment. These waves wash upon me, revealing a little more with each visit, unveiling a life-changing truth that I need to absorb. I believe this is always a visit from the Holy Spirit. A […]
Just before Christmas, I led a retreat at Ignatius House in Atlanta, GA. One of the participants offered this compliment for my book, “It’s all in there.” she said holding it up. “There’s Father Ed Dowling and Greg Boyle and Sister Ignatia…” She continued listing many of my teachers on this journey. When I wrote […]
My husband’s heart went into atrial fibrillation last week, so we spent twenty-four hours in the hospital to treat his problem. His nurse during the last few hours there, told us that even though she had become a nurse late in life, she still had one last dream to pursue: being a writer. “Oh wow, […]
I’d finally finished a writing assignment. I plugged my computer in to charge it up and turned on the television to catch one episode of ‘In the Heat of the Night’ before it was time to go to the gym. I felt myself let out a deep breath to relax when the doorbell rang and […]