I’d finally finished a writing assignment. I plugged my computer in to charge it up and turned on the television to catch one episode of ‘In the Heat of the Night’ before it was time to go to the gym. I felt myself let out a deep breath to relax when the doorbell rang and the dogs lost their minds.
There is a side window beside our door. I saw a young man step off my porch and stand at the bottom of my steps. He looked nice. He wore khaki shorts with a blue-collared shirt tucked in. His long hair was tucked into a nice neat man-bun and he had some sort of pamphlet tucked into the back of his shorts.
We are on the no-solicitation list. It irritates me that I have to get up from my one hour of free time to deal with salesmen. I opened my door and stuck my head out, all the while the dogs continued barking. “I didn’t mean to set off your alarm system.” He said referring to my dogs.
I just stood there. “We’re going to be doing some work for (insert my neighbors names here) tomorrow and I was wondering if we could park here in front of your house.” His question threw me off guard so I said, “Sure as long as you don’t park in front of my mailbox.”
He went on, ” You know (name drop–various other neighbors)?” By now, I’m waking up to the scheme. “No. I don’t.” He didn’t miss a beat. “You don’t know (more name dropping)?” He then starts to tell me what work they are doing and what a great service it is and asks if I make the decisions about his kind of service and if my husband is home so that he can talk to him. Still with only my head peaking out of my door, “No and I am on the no solicitation list.”
“Do you have a bottle of water that I can have?” “No.” “You don’t have a bottle of water that I can have?” “No and I am on the No-Solicitation list.”
Why did I tell you that story? Well because for me, that is progress, but certainly not perfection. Before I understood that I had a right to have personal boundaries, I would have listened and probably taken that fool a glass of ice water.
Instead, I listened to him and listened to my instincts. The moment, I felt that he was disrespecting my wishes, I shut him down. While I am proud of the progress that I’m making, I’m still frustrated. I wish that I’d told him that I meant what I said the first time and shut the door.
Learning to trust myself and my needs takes time. The practice of enforcing these boundaries won’t be perfect at first. Or maybe even the second or third time. Learning to trust myself and my needs is a way of getting to know who I am. It is a process that requires growth.
We learn that boundaries can change with our needs. Unlike a wall, they are movable. The interchange that I had with that young man felt deceitful. Feeling deceived is a feeling that lacks safety. And so I have decided that if tomorrow he actually shows up with a truck in front of my house. I will ask him to move it.
Nice read. I can’t say that I agree with the last line . First he won’t show cause he was a scam artist. Second if he does show you already told him he could park there. Asking him to move would mean you lack accountability to your own words. Just picking at you. I enjoy your writing.