When I learned that my family members suffered from an addiction to drugs and alcohol, I knew 2 things for sure: I knew that their addiction was a spiritual problem and I knew that I could not take this problem to my parish for support.
This knowledge left me baffled about what to do next. Still, each of these intuitions were confirmed to be true in time.
The first intuition was easy to confirm. I found that the psychiatrist and psychologist Carl Jung was the first to identify addiction as a spiritual problem to Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous. In a letter to Bill, he stated, “You see, Alcohol in Latin is “spiritus” and you use the same word for the highest religious experience as well as for the most depraving poison. The helpful formula therefore is: spiritus contra spiritum.” Or high spirit conquers low spirit.
The second intuition was revealed to me a bit at a time. Now that addiction was a part of my life, I paid attention. I noticed things that I might have missed before. I realized that the topic of addiction was avoided most of the time. If it was brought up, it was met with eye rolls and shaking heads. I knew that the parish didn’t feel like a safe place to ask for prayers for my family members.
I did reach out to my parish priest. While he was a source of comfort, it was a secret that we kept between each other. Secrets become a heavy burden. I grew frustrated that I couldn’t ask for prayers like my friends whose family members suffered from cancer or diabetes. Since my 12-step program states that “we are as sick as our secrets” I knew that at some point, this would need to change. I just didn’t know how.
I started blogging anonymously at first. I became a part of an online recovery community and while we were in the early stages of recovery, they became my lifeline. I also started going to 12-step meetings for family members. I was struck by how holy these places felt. In these rooms, there was no judgment. I’d never encountered anything like it. It was a healing place for me.
It took me a while to realize the importance of my recovery. Initially, I thought that I didn’t have a problem. It didn’t take long for me to see that addiction really is a family disease. I learned that I can’t change another human being. I can only change me. But the changes that I make in myself have the potential to change others.
I realized that when I was trying to change my loved ones, I was edging God out (ego). I was disconnecting myself from God’s will for MY life by trying to do his job. I was also disconnecting from my life (self) by focusing on the lives of others.
As I began to wake up to the problems in my life, I came to view addiction as dis-ease, dis-order and disconnection in our relationships to God, self and others. I saw that the 12-steps and Ignatius of Loyola’s spiritual exercises both addressed these 3 critical relationships: God, self and others. That helped me to see that healing these relationships was the answer.
So many times we fail to see the family’s impact on recovery. It is vital. The parish has a wonderful opportunity to be an extension of the family. They can create an environment that supports recovery. They just need to know how–just like I did in the beginning.
On October 10, I had the opportunity to speak on this topic at a dinner that highlighted the great work of Guest House in Lake Orion, Michigan. Guest House is rehab and mental health assistance for Roman Catholic priests and religious. I forget the number of priests and religious that they’ve helped but it is in thousands.
Think about all that goes into educating and preparing an individual for their vocation. If they suffer with an addiction all of that could be lost. Guest House provides an essential service to the church. While I was there, I learned that one of the obstacles that they face is sending their priests back to the parish where it is not an environment that supports recovery.
The day I was invited to speak on this topic, my readings (19th annotation) seemed to provide a way to engage parishes into recovery. This Thursday, I will speak on this subject at the Ignatian Spirituality Project retreat with (3) other great speakers. If you sign up to this free retreat, you will receive a Zoom link. If you can’t attend, it will be recorded and you can watch at your convenience.
Otherwise, I will share that part of the story in the next blogpost. Recovery is important for families, for the homeless population and even for priests and religious. Addiction touches every family is some way. Please join me in finding a way to create an environment that aids in recovery. You can make a difference.