When you are the first member of your family to change, it is going to be difficult. Resistance will meet you at every corner. Change feels very uncomfortable. It will be hard. But hard is not impossible. If you think about it, hard is easier than living the way that you’ve been living. It’s like […]
When I was growing up I had a very controlling great aunt who had no children. She was my grandmother’s youngest sister. Because she was unable to have children, she picked favorite nieces and nephews to dote on. If you were one of her ‘favorites’ this devotion came with strings attached. I remember my grandmother […]
Bill Wilson was truly ahead of his time. One of the topics that he’d hoped to explore before he died was one that he considered to be a root problem of addiction: emotional sobriety. He described emotional sobriety as “real maturity and balance in our relations with ourselves, with our fellows and with God.” It […]
“I trust in God,” I used to say without much thought. Or, “At least I have my faith.” But what do those things mean? Do I really mean it? What do they mean to you? Have you ever thought about faith? What is the difference between faith and trust? I’m doing the spiritual exercises in […]
I saw this phrase when I was scrolling Instagram yesterday. I liked it so much I shared it on my stories. It resonated with a lot of people there. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So, I created my own slide using it. I think it is an iteration of the 12-step phrase, ‘If you […]
A 12-step friend told me about an experience that he had in a meeting. There was a newcomer who shared and my friend’s first thought was to respond… “I stopped myself because I have a rule: “I don’t speak until he speaks.” He’s pointing up as he says this. Honestly, I can’t remember anymore of […]
I’ve been watching a new show called, “Shrinking” on a streaming service (Apple TV) that some may find offensive. It has a lot of language, sex, drugs and alcohol abuse. If you are triggered or offended, you shouldn’t watch it. In the past, I will admit that the language, sex, and drugs/alcohol would have kept […]
In 12-step rooms, you will often hear this slogan: “Expectations are just premeditated resentments.” This simple phrase helped me notice that I had unconscious expectations for the way that I thought that my loved ones should recover. I always thought that expectations were a noble thing to have, much like a goal. Instead, this slogan […]
“Ma’am?” I turned, wondering if the voice was speaking to me. I found the speaker, then noticed that he was looking at a woman. “Have you eaten today?” “Have I eaten?” His voice lifted. He seemed unsure and seeking confirmation that she would be talking to him; perhaps offering him food. “Do you like cheeseburgers?” […]
My dad used to get angry if he thought that one of us kids was being lazy. His anger was over the top. Over the last 13 years I started to understand that as the child of an alcoholic, he had conflated laziness with alcoholism. Since his father’s disease kept him from working, my dad […]