I was driving down a long stretch of highway, somewhere between Arkansas and Texas, when I saw the words, ‘Real Christians Obey God’s Teachings’ fill an entire billboard. My first feeling was anger. Why would someone want to put that on a billboard? It reminded me of my grandmother telling me that ‘God won’t like it if you do that…’
I suppose that real Christians do strive to obey God’s teachings. But, real Christians screw up, too. And, while God doesn’t like it when we fall short, I think it’s important to note that he doesn’t like it because of how the consequence of our error will affect us.
The problem that I have with these ‘cautionary phrases’ that we humans impose upon God, is that they set Him up to look like He is transactional kind of ‘Power.’ And, that is not the god of my understanding…
Early in my twelve-step days, I hated the phrases, ‘power greater than myself’, ‘higher power’ and ‘god of my understanding.’ At my last meeting, I noticed a young lady read and when she came to those terms she used air quotes to denote the freedoms that the program gives to each person when it comes to their personal beliefs.
I knew that those terms bothered her. While I don’t know her background or what she’s been taught about her ‘power,’ for me, there was always a fear that using those terms was somehow wrong. Maybe if I didn’t say ‘God’ it meant that I was ashamed of my faith.
Today, I know ‘my Power’ so much more intimately than I ever had before. I can call what we have, an honest-to-goodness relationship. And, my Power doesn’t care so much what I call Him…as long as I call on Him in love. I think He’s got bigger fish to fry.
If we think about the intention behind those kinds of phrases, we realize that others hope that we do the right thing. The problem with that is that those kind of phrases are really manipulative. Each one of us must find our own way. We are given the free will to choose our actions on our own–because the God of my understanding, loves me that much.
And really, that is the bottom line. The God of my understanding is love. As I began working my program, healing that image was necessary so that I felt safe enough to grow closer to Him. I had to question: ‘Who do I understand God to be? and Is He really more powerful than me?’
If I really believed that He was greater, why was I still trying to handle things?
These simple freedoms offered to others became tools for me to use to examine what I unconsciously believed. They were the catalyst that helped me to let my guard down long enough to see that my Power is one who offers grace and mercy first.
Do you really know the God of your understanding?
“Knowledge is the product of both the knower and the thing known.” John Duns Scotus