Are you in God’s Way?

One of the most frightening things that I’ve ever had to do is hold a sedated horse for my husband.  I don’t do it often.  And, when I do, it is because I am his very last resort to be a vet assistant.

Just imagine holding 800-1200 pounds of wobbling beast.  My husband becomes so focused on the task at hand, that to me, he isn’t paying significant attention to the fact that this animal is swaying to and fro.  Since, he lacks the proper sense to protect himself, I begin to try and steady the horse’s head.

Then, as I begin to feel the weight of his head and watch him lean in the direction of my husband, I begin to imagine all sorts of tragedies. Before I know it, I am straining under the weight and breathing hard.  This is the point where my husband senses that I am trying to ‘hold up’ this horse.

He will look up (head shaking in disbelief) and say, “Just give him his head.  They balance with their heads.  He isn’t going to fall, but if he ever did, you aren’t going to be able to catch him.  Just stay out of the way.”

This is where I usually grow frustrated with his condescending tone.  I was only trying to save his life…

I now realize the insanity of what I was trying to do.

I have been thinking about those words, lately.  Perhaps I recognize the voice.

In my twelve-step group I listen as new parents come in for their first meeting with a notebook in hand, ready to tackle anything that they need to do in order to fix their loved one.  It can be hard for them to hear  that no matter how dangerous a loved one sways from one danger to the next, we will be unable to catch them.  We have to give them their head.

Even though we no longer struggle with active addiction in our family, sometimes I still want to ‘hold onto’ things that I can’t control.  Usually, it’s something ridiculous that in the end, like holding up a horse, would hurt only me.  With time, I’m learning to Just stay out of the way.

If I think about the example that God gives to us in the earthy ministry of our Lord, I realize that he gives us all free will.  If our Creator is able to let us find our way, then who am I to get in His way with my children?

If I cannot trust their journey with God, to God, then I see that the job that I have at hand, is to grow closer so that I might trust enough to let go.

I am learning that we really only have one job.  We are to love them.  But, what does that really mean?  How do we love someone in active addiction?  How do we love adult children who have chosen any path that we know will harm them?

The radical love of Jesus comes to you and to me unconditionally.  I don’t think that we even know what that looks like.  But every day, every hour and every minute I stay close in prayer.  Because that is the only way to take a swing at it.

‘I can’t.  God can.’   There is no better spiritual foundation than understanding our powerlessness.  It is the foundation that leads us to hope.  Parents, spouses, brothers, sisters, friends….we will not fall if we offer the reins to God.

Are you in God’s way?