I always dreamed of living in another place. My dad never understood. Why would I ever want to leave Kentucky?
His dad was an alcoholic. He was a sharecropper who rented his house from the farmer that he worked for. Because they didn’t own their home, there wasn’t much stability.
When my dad turned eighteen, he was drafted into the army. He’d never left western Kentucky before they sent him off to serve his country. For the next two years and eight months, he was a part of the Army corps of engineers in Europe during WW2. He often talked about the joy of returning home. But, even that didn’t compare to the pride that he felt in owning his own property.
Owning his own land meant everything to him. It was safety, security and in his mind, at least, it meant that he had made it.
I’ve made my home in Tennessee. We’ve been here for twenty-four years which means that I’ve lived longer in this state than any other place that I’ve ever lived. Now, there is the possibility that all of my children will make their homes in other places.
All at once, they seem to have scattered far and wide. I find that in the beginning, some fear arouse at the prospect of their leaving. It is a feeling that I’ve struggled with since my loved ones have found their sobriety. You see they got sober here. They have their support here. So I have come to associate this place with safety and security.
While all of this has been happening, the Church has been facing a lot of scandal. Church is another home. It is the place that I go to find God and myself. But, this scandal was something that made me question the safety and security of the Church that I love so much. I saw a lot of division and finger-pointing. Everything seemed so unsettled.
I began to pray for God’s will in all of these concerns. And, I prayed for the ability to accept it.
Last week as I began to hear from each of my kids. I realized that they are all happy and safe. If I let go of my fears, I am able to see that they are beginning to find the person that God created them to be. In my heart, I know that when we find ourselves, we find God. That is true safety.
And, I’ve come to see that the crisis that the Church faces has been there all along. Only now, it is coming to light. If we are as sick as our secrets, perhaps the Church will begin the process of opening up and taking its own walk along the Paschal path, clearing out the things that are not of God.
That will certainly bring us to Easter. And of all the things that I can think of, Easter is the one that promises us those feelings of home and safety.
What is the reality of what is? It seems to get harder to find. For my peace of mind, it is necessary to mine for truth.