I walk my dogs almost every morning. I take a shorter loop than I’d like, but the standard poodle overheats quickly, so I don’t go much further than a mile. Most days, I will bring them home and wait till the end of the day and go on a longer walk for me. I wait until my husband comes home because they cry and carry on if I leave them alone.
I take two baths a day to ensure that my dogs don’t get upset. Is that crazy?
Last week, in my twelve-step meeting, our topic was about changing the focus to ourselves. ‘We’ seem to get caught up in the lives and actions of others. Some of ‘us’ have been doing it for so long that we don’t know who we are or what we need or enjoy. Our happiness is all wrapped up in keeping others happy.
Does this sound familiar to you?
In our meeting, we went around the room sharing our experience with trying to put the focus back onto ourselves. When we got to one individual, she looked up at me and said, “I hate this topic. I guess I need to understand it better.” Like me, she was having a hard time understanding how to shift the focus back onto herself. She didn’t know what her needs were or how to take care of herself.
How do we take care of ourselves?
Do you even know? Do you eat what, when and how you should, to provide fuel for your body? Do you exercise? Do you rest when you need to? Do you have time set aside for prayer and meditation? Do you do something kind and gentle for yourself when things are rough? Do you have fun? These are our needs. They are our responsibility.
The needs of our loved ones belong to them. We will not make them better or healthier by assuming their responsibilities. We will only make ourselves sicker.
I think that moms have to sacrifice a lot when their children are young. Over time, we think that it is our role to continue to give of self. My program has helped me to see that modeling good self-care is important for my addicted loved ones.
I used to think that taking care of myself was selfish. Now, I see that it is the most giving choice that I can make.
I was at a meeting on Saturday when one member began talking about a relative who was under the weather. He said that he was out of compassion. Another wise soul said, “If I am to be compassionate with others, I will have to start by being compassionate with myself.”
Wise words. I wrote them down so that I could think about them. It is like putting the oxygen mask on ourselves first so that we are able to reach out to others in need.
I’d love to hear how you practice good self-care…