In this family disease, we often have to watch as our loved ones harm themselves. It is the most difficult part.
Imagine that you had a two year old that you could not stop from wandering into traffic to retrieve a ball on the other side. Loving someone who is in active addiction to drugs/alcohol is much the same. You would not be able to reason with a two year old. They may not be able to see anything beyond getting their toy back.
Active alcoholics and addicts cannot see beyond drugs or alcohol. This drug or drink has fooled their brain into believing that they cannot live without it. Reason is gone. They are enslaved to this substance that has so many ways of harming them.
It is most important that we are able to separate the alcoholic/addict from their addiction. Our family member has been kidnapped by this disease. For me, I used that image to fight for my loved ones. I remembered to love the person and stand up against their addictions. It is the fight of a lifetime. But, it made me a better person.
In order for things to get better, our loved ones must do something called ‘reaching their bottom.’ This is where they give up the notion that they can manage their disease on their own. This is where they admit that things are a mess and that there is nothing within their power alone that can be done to fix things. As parents, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters or friends, we have to also give up–or find our bottom.
We admitted that we are powerless over alcohol–that our lives had become unmanageable.–Step One Alcoholics Anonymous
I had tried so many things in an effort to ‘fix’ my loved ones. It was a joke. Why would I think that I had the power to change any other person? Many twelve-steppers will say, “It doesn’t matter who your Higher Power is as along as it’s not you.” Their statement helped me realize that I had been trying to play god for too long.
The bottom is frightening . It is the place where you finally recognize that you can’t get yourself out of this mess alone. But, it is the one place where most of us, reach out for help. I thought that I’d prayed for God’s help before. But, until I cried out for God’s will, I was most likely still trying to handle things myself.
- Are you tired, yet?
- Don’t you want help?
- Have you had an amazing moment at the bottom?