When you are the first member of your family to change, it is going to be difficult. Resistance will meet you at every corner. Change feels very uncomfortable. It will be hard. But hard is not impossible. If you think about it, hard is easier than living the way that you’ve been living.
It’s like looking at a very tall bridge that seems foreboding, swaying, high above the water. You will need a lot of faith because the only way to other side of things requires you to put one foot in front of the other and walk across that bridge.
Bending to wishes of others is easier in the short term. Longterm, the cost is much too high. Nobody wins. This is a universal problem. We see our mom’s ‘keep the peace’ or our grandmother’s ‘do what’s right’ and we follow suit without considering the longterm effects of what we are doing.
Sometimes when we change, whether the change comes from the alcoholic or the family member who loves them, it freaks people out. They may ask what’s wrong with you? They may try to make you question yourself and your recovery. This is when I hope you stay strong.
Changes can start with something as little as learning to say no to things that you don’t want to do. It might be walking away from chaos. You might need to start letting your loved ones be responsible for themselves. It could be standing up to a family member that you can no longer trust. You may need to stand up to a bully.
Each time you stand up for yourself or for what you need, it gets easier. Each time you learn do what’s right for yourself, you feel a little lighter. By caring for yourself, you’re giving your loved one an opportunity for growth.
Change is hard. Change is necessary. You can do it.
I hope this is helpful. I’m open to writing about your topics. I believe that as a community we help each other more when I just stand alone and share on a particular topic. So please leave your topics in the comments below.
I’ve got a retreat coming up at Ignatius House in Atlanta. If you are interested, I’d love for you to join us. We will be doing a 4th step using the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
