If you ever wanted to make me cry, forget about being mean. That won’t work. My hillbilly ire may be raised a bit, but I will not cry. But, if you are kind, it gets me, every time. It touches the soft part of my heart that spills over like an April shower that has forgotten that it’s May.
Last weekend, my daughter left our home after a six month stay between her classes ending in a PhD program and a new internship that may turn into a job. I will admit that I was ready for her companion (a 50 pound tree-walking coonhound) to exit the building. But, I was grateful for the opportunity of having her here.
As the week neared it’s end, I didn’t think much about her leaving. I didn’t think it would be a big deal. I was excited for her new adventure and a new place to visit. So, on Saturday, when the tears would not stop leaking, I had to meditate on why I was so emotional.
I knew that this time that we were given together was a gift. It was one that I had prayed for. You see when you live in a home where addiction resides, there is chaos. Some people get unwanted attention, others get none. They aren’t overlooked on purpose, it’s just that they ‘seem ok’ and so you deal with what you consider urgent.
Through the process of my own recovery, I am learning to let all of my loved ones find their own way. I am trying to be there for support if they ask for it. I am also trying to find my own way. I am doing this by examining myself. I am trying to look for the places where I’ve fallen short. I’m admitting that to God and a trusted friend. And, I’m trying to make amends.
This time together was my opportunity to make an amend. I never dreamed that I would be given this chance at reparation. All of the sudden, I realized how grand a thing it was. It was a gift of love, given by God. It was as if I passed him in the hallway. But, I only realized that it was Him after He had gone. Even though I strained to catch a glimpse, He was already out of sight.
I have no doubt that it was Him. The tears are a product of His love for me and for my family. I am so grateful.
At the center of Ignatian Spirituality is the practice of looking for God in all things. It is a practice that helps to acquaint us with the God of our understanding. It is important to have personal recognition and a personal relationship with Him. It is a necessary requirement of building up enough trust so that you can offer your loved ones freely to Him, knowing that they will be better taken care of in His hands than in yours.
I read this morning that in the Basilica in Assisi, where St. Francis is buried, stands a bronze statue of him. Unlike most art depicting the saints, looking up into the heavens searching for God he is looking down at the earth. I think that we forget that He is here with us down in the dirt of our problems. Today, I’m going to try to remember.
Indeed!