Your True Center

Last Friday, I was a bundle of nerves.  No one thing had happened.  But, I had nagging fears that something would.  You see, I was concerned because my plans were not coming along as I thought they should.

Over the course of the day, those anxieties seemed to grow to the point that they were consuming me.  It reminded me of the time when I worried over the actions of my addicted loved ones.

Without realizing it, I was staring at my limited knowledge of my situation.  ‘There is no other way,’ I thought. That night, I stewed and worried, often waking up,  continuing to ruminate.  The next morning I was exhausted.  I knew that something had to change.

And so, I said a prayer.

Early, in my son’s recovery, I used to pray for his sobriety by telling God what to do and how and when I’d like for Him to do it.  Since that time, I have learned a little bit.  One important thing that I’ve discovered is that the less I say and the more that I listen, the better off I will be.

So, I prayed, “Help me.  Show me the way.”

It didn’t take long for me to have the feeling that I needed to change my focus.  So, I decided to start my day by following St. Ignatius advice to look for God in all things.

I pulled out a 4 X 6 notecard and began a gratitude list.  First on the list, the beautiful seventy degree weather.  I put my tennis shoes on and headed out to the Nashville Flea Market.

Once I exited onto the street near the fairgrounds, traffic slowed to a crawl.  I wanted to complain.  But, I remembered all of the rain and cold weather that we’ve been having and once again, I moved my gaze to the green grass, leaves popping out on the tree branches, blooming azalea bushes and sparkling sunshine. Even when a car cut in front of me, I resolved to keep the focus outside of me.

Finally, I pulled up to the parking attendant ready to pay for my spot, when he said, “The car in front paid for your spot.”

I could almost hear God say, “See, if you will quit trying to force solutions, I will take care of things.”  I chuckled out loud.  I think God has a sense of humor.  It was a little thing but it peaked my curiosity…where would I find God in the rest of my day.  I began to look for Him.

My thoughts moved to the idea that if I could divorce myself of expectation, or employ what St. Ignatius called ‘Holy Indifference,’  I might see a lot more of His handiwork.  If I am only looking within, there is little to gain.  If I look to God, the well never dries.

The gifts continued, as they do if you pay attention.  There were fresh spring vegetables at the flea market.  I got a parking place close to the mall when I had to run errands.  I ran into friends at the mall.

It was a nice day.  On the drive home, I recalled a conversation with my friends, about some good croissants that they’d eaten.   It prompted a memory of how croissants are made. It is an arduous process.  Once the dough is made, you take a pound of butter and and place it in the center of the dough and begin to knead it in to incorporate it into the fibers of the dough.  Bakers sometimes call it wrapping a package.

This reminded me of my life with God. I realized how every single thing can be traced back to Him.  He really is at the center. As long as He is incorporated into each moment of my day, then I can handle whatever comes.  The solution may not be one that I could see.  But, His way is always best.

Let me challenge you to use the tool of looking for God in all things.  Let’s see if like me, it helps you to get to know God better.  For me, it helped me see that he does provide.  That helped me trust.  Trust is so important in the battle of addiction. Make a list today.