I remember my first twelve-step meeting so well. It was my intention to go into the Church’s little basement room and take thorough notes on how to fix my addicted loved ones. Then, I’d go home and take care of business–as usual. Hopefully, I thought, it won’t take too long.
So, you can imagine my bewilderment when I learned that this twelve-step group is for me and my issues. This meeting is all about my own personal self-discovery. I thought that those women in that room were nuts. If I could just make it through that one hour, I would leave and never come back.
Then I was asked this question, “What have you done to take care of you?” My first thought was that I am not the one with the problem. Why would they ask that question?
Over the course of the hour similar sentiments were expressed. “Are you getting healthy food to eat? Are you resting? Are there friends that you can reach out to?” With each inquiry, I began to get the feeling that these women were giving me permission to take care of myself. As wife and mother, I felt guilty when I considered my needs, especially when one in the family suffered from the disease of addiction.
Their kindness began to hush the voices that told me that it was selfish to worry about myself. They reminded me that I didn’t Cause addiction, I can’t Cure addiction and I can’t Control it. These three C’s help me to understand that I will only grow frustrated if I keep trying to change the actions of others.
But, I can begin to nurture the person that God created me to be. I can shift my focus from something that I can’t fix and move it to something that I can change (me). I can reach out to God and ask Him to show me the way to care for myself so that I might fulfill the plan that He has for my life.
What do you need?
If you are feeling out of sorts, then ask yourself this question. Do you need to hand over your problems to a power greater than yourself? Wouldn’t that give you relief? I challenge you to do something gentle, loving and kind for yourself. Begin in prayer…ask God for just the place to start.
We might not be able to change others. But, changing ourselves can be a force for good that affects the rest of our family.
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