The Notion of God that We Hold

My husband and I, often go to open AA speaker meetings. As usual when the speaker finishes, the chairperson goes through the litany of days of continuous sobriety. A chip honors the number of days achieved. The chip system starts with a ‘desire chip’. A desire chip is exactly what it says it is: if a person has a desire to stop drinking, even if they were drinking just before they walked in the door, they can receive a chip: a sacramental representing their desire. A desire to stop drinking is always met with applause.

That night, a young person stood up to acknowledge their desire to quit drinking and the room erupted in celebration. Members took to their feet, clapping and shouting encouragements as the person walked up to receive the chip–along with a bear hug. The scene jolted me to attention. What just happened? I turned and looked at my husband, visibly perplexed. He whispered in my ear, “That young person probably has a shoe box full of desire chips at home.”

In other words, this person tried and failed so many times that it would take a shoe box to contain the number of desire chips in their possession and this crowd was on their feet cheering them on. Have you ever seen a celebration for a person’s desiring to be different in the midst of so much failure? I haven’t. Only in this crowd, could a person feel safe enough to keep coming back; to keep trying. My expectation out in my everyday life would be to see a look quietly given, shrouded in shame: a pointing finger, an eye-roll, a subtle head-shake or a stern look communicating disappointment.

It is countercultural. It was as if that moment in time, froze just long enough to give me the opportunity to understand the import of it. I just witnessed the gospel of Jesus right there in the room. I felt his presence. I could imagine him standing alongside the other members with cheers of encouragment. Gone was the unconscious image of God shaking his head in disappointment. A new idea replaced it; one that aligned with everything that I’d ever read about God being pure love. It was if my power cord found the proper power source to plug into. The example set by this room helped me to accept the possibility of this transformative kind of love.

While it is not unusual to feel as if God is in these recovery rooms, that night God’s love in action was visceral. It settled into my mind, giving me a concrete example of how far off the mark I was in my understanding that God is love.

I’ve read Jesus say we should forgive 70 times 7 times. Through scripture, I see him tell the crowds to stop accusing the woman of adultery because they are not without sin. Still, the message seems disconnected from day-in day-out life. It was separate. It didn’t really carry meaning into my life. Why is it that when I see others living out those parables in real time, that the idea feels so new? If I believe that God is love, why does this surprise me?

The Jesuit priest, Greg Boyle wrote in his newest book, “The Whole Language:The Power of Extravagant Tenderness”:

Nothing is more consequential in our lives than the notion of God we hold. Not God. The notion of God. This is what steers the ship. Our idea of God will call the shots.

Greg Boyle The Whole Language

Think about it..I was told that God is love in a religious setting. But it took a room full of alcoholics to show it to me. And it expanded my mind, converting me in the process. Since that night, this radical new image of God continues steeping in my conscious mind. Now I find myself reevaluating everything.

Step by step, I’m beginning to see that the God of my understanding really is the one going back for the one lost sheep. He’s the one running toward his son who squandered his lot. He stands beside the woman, accused of adultery and even though she is guilty, he is able to help her see that not one of us is without blemish. He’s never casting us out. He knows that the adulteress’ sin (addiction) is what does that. It hurts her the most which is what hurts him because he hates to see those he loves hurt. I’m seeing that the same is true for me and you. He is always waiting for us to move back to him.

How does this healed image change everything? Since I am made in the image and likeness of God, now that my notion (image) of God has changed, so has the reflection that I see peering back at me. Knowing that you are loved no matter what alters everything. It helps me feel my worth.

I’ve heard Father Greg Boyle say many times, “You are just as God intended when he created you.” I’ve repeated that quote to others often. Now, I am beginning to accept that notion for myself.

Since my notion of God has changed, my notion of self has too. From the consummation of this new and authentic relationship with God, imagine the love that will be reflected onto others. I will be able to allow God’s love to flow through me….what a privilege. A room filled with alcoholics helped me heal the image that I hold of God. Imagine what healing can come from the (healed) image you reflect onto others.

People often wonder how a family member can help their addicted loved ones. When we take the focus off of them and place it on ourselves, everyone gets better. Where do we start? With God, of course. He is the foundation. As Father Greg says in his quote, “Nothing is more consequential in our lives than the notion of God we hold.” What do you believe?