For most of my life, I was in pursuit of the perfect family Christmas. I get the feeling that many of you share this same desire. Falling short of that expectation was the cause of a lot sadness for me for many years. And while recovery began to help me see things a little differently, really digging into the scriptures with an Ignatian practice called Imaginative Contemplation (prayer with scripture) has helped me more than anything.
Ignatian Contemplation asks me to imagine myself there in the scene of the gospels. Then I pray as I read over them again. As I read, I look for words or phrases that stand out to me. I try to imagine using my senses. What would I see or hear? How would that make me feel? Would I be hot or cold?
This practice brought me back to the reality of what actually happened when Christ was born rather than some notion of perfection produced by Hollywood.
Let me challenge you a bit… Where did those ideas of perfection come from in your life? Are they realistic? If we look to the readings found in this week’s gospel account from this final week of Advent, you will see that this week is all about The Gift—Love and yet this gift came to us, not free from problems but right in the middle of them.
First off, Mary was unmarried, which was an offense so great in her culture that if found out, she would be shamed for the rest of her life. Joseph and Mary had to leave home to be registered while she was very pregnant. Once her time to deliver came, there was no room for her to give birth. These are less than ideal circumstances.
My friends, if your loved ones are struggling this Advent season, you have a choice, just as Mary did. You can place your focus on the difficulties (the disease and all of its chaos) or you can focus on yourself and what you need to do to bring the gift of love into your home. Which will you choose?
You might ask, “How can I bring love into the middle of this mess?” That question is one that I often posed to God in prayer. Over time, and a lot of listening this is what I learned to do differently:
The first thing that I needed to do was to separate my loved one from his disease. He suffered from the disease of addiction. It didn’t have to define him as a person. That change of perspective helped me see him and his potential clearly.
Boundaries are a very necessary tool. Decide what you need to feel safe. Create boundaries that honor your peace of mind and clearly communicate them to your loved one.
Another thing that helped is that I used the image of the disease holding him hostage to help me in relating to him in a way that offered compassion. By separating him from the addiction I was able to say “No” to the disease and realize that saying ‘No’ was in fact a way to love him better.
I made sure that my language reflected my perspective. Instead of saying, “You are ruining your life. What is wrong with you?” I began to say, “I can’t watch you kill yourself. I love you too much.” This change in language helps them to see the love instead of the anger.
Every single change that I made was in me. I never was able to fix another person. Changing/healing others is the business of God. He only asks us to love. That is the gift that he offered to us and the one that we can pass down to our family members.
Let us pray together:
Heavenly Father,
I ask that you help me and each reader here to grow in understanding of the love that you teach us in the gospel readings this week. Help us maintain focus on that gift and create the boundaries that we need to keep us safe from the chaos.
We are so thankful that you love us. Help us to take note of the good that can be found each day. Heal our loved ones and help us to stay out of your way.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
Merry Christmas, All!
Reading Links (UCCB)
Sunday 12/20/20
Monday 12/21/20
Tuesday 12/22/20
Wednesday 12/23/2020
Thursday 12/24/2020
Friday 12/25/2020
So love reading this and following you. I’m learning so much. Thankful do you Miss Jean 🥰
Thank you for taking time to read and comment. Means so much!