“Blessed is the crisis that made you grow, the fall that made you look up to heaven, the problem that made you look for God.”
St. Padre Pio
Years ago, when I found that most every facet of my life was in chaos, I made a quiet decision. I’m not even sure that I was aware that a decision had been made.
I did know that the wake of destruction that surrounded me was all too much. I realized that I’d been trying to handle things on my own and I was tired.
I had attended my first twelve-step meeting. There, the women gave me permission to take care of myself. As a wife and mother, I didn’t know that I was allowed to even consider such thoughts.
They encouraged me to do something loving, gentle and kind for myself each day. They asked me to come to know who I am as a child of God. And, they gently reminded me that I am the only thing that I have control over.
These women had walked my path before. They knew that I needed their guidance to begin the process of understanding my powerlessness. I would not get better until I understood that concept.
This is what some folks call reaching bottom. I didn’t know what else to do. I had exhausted all of the ideas ‘humanly possible’ to make my life better. I would need help.
Twelve-step folks understand that this process is the work of step one of Alcoholics Anonymous:
“We admitted that we are powerless over alcohol and that our lives have become unmanageable.”
I later learned that this step begins the process of restoring order between me and God. It’s hard to have a relationship with God when you think that you are god.
The writer Anne Lamott often says that she is a recovering Higher Power. I guess I am too.
It may sound ridiculous to say, but it is even more ridiculous to keep trying to handle things on your own, watching life continue to crumble and fall apart.
St. Ignatius would refer to my bottom experience as a beginning point on the walk of my paschal path. I might be at the cross in this moment of defeat (to self) but, I need to remember that Easter is just around the corner.
God promises this to us in scripture. He also shows us this truth in all kinds of ways in nature. St. Ignatius understood this when he asked us to look for God in all things.
I just returned home from San Francisco where my husband attended his annual continuing education conference and I had the opportunity to meet up with a writer friend while I was there.
I was telling her that I’d never seen a redwood tree before. She said that we would see some trees on our walk from her house to the restaurant in town.
Shortly, we came upon a tree and I was surprised to see that it is an evergreen. “Yes, but wait until you see their cones…” she said.
I wouldn’t have been able to spot one if she hadn’t pointed it out. I would never have considered that such a massive tree would produce such a tiny cone.
Then she told me that it is the stress of the naturally occurring wildfires that causes those cones to release their seeds. I found that fascinating.
A couple of days after I got home, it hit me: the stress of those wildfires causes the cones to release tiny seeds that grow massive trees…
I began to see that when I am stressed to the point that I let go, tiny seeds of hope are released to grow into something bigger than I ever thought possible.
If you have a heavy burden this holiday season, let me offer you this bit of hope: God yearns to accompany you on your path. He wants to help take up your yoke. He will lighten your load and after you’ve come to seek His will first, you will delight in the fruit of your trust.
I’m actually grateful for the stress that brought me to the place where God is back in His rightful place.
Prayers for you and your family.
Merry Christmas