It was hard to walk through the door of my first twelve-step meeting. It was even harder to whisper to God asking Him to show me what the problem was. Somehow, it felt like if I didn’t ask the question, it wouldn’t be true.
And, while I remember my own fear, I forget that others must also find the courage to reach out to God,in their own journey, in their own time.
Sunday, I think God reminded me that I am not all that evolved. My husband and I went to mass with our daughter at her church. As I walked into the church, through the pouring rain, I realized that my left foot felt wet. I knew that these shoes were on their last leg. I had already decided that I would toss them when I got home. But, as time went on and the boot became saturated with water, the sole came unglued from the fabric that made up the shoe.
I reached over to my husband realizing that the sole of my shoe was flopping up and down and said, “I can’t take communion.”
“Why not?” He asked.
“Look,” I said holding my foot up.
“Sure you can.” He said.
“I’m afraid my shoe will come off completely.” I said.
As was sitting there looking at that shoe, it occurred to me that I was allowing my embarrassment–or the feeling that ‘I am not as I should be’ keep me from communion. Clearly, this was the work of the enemy. As soon as I realized what I was doing I made a decision. I would not let this floppy shoe keep me from communion.
Even though I was determined to march scoot up the aisle to receive the body and blood of Christ, I still fought for a way to save face.
My husband had forgotten to spit out his gum before mass and so I had given him a bulletin insert to put his gum in. I asked him for that paper, thinking that perhaps the gum would hold my shoe to the fabric.
But, I gave up on that thought realizing that if it wouldn’t stick, and it got stuck on the marble floor, that might call even more attention to my situation.
Instead, I asked God to teach me the things that I needed to learn in light of this situation. And, when communion was being offered, I scooted down the isle. I had almost made it back to my seat when the sole literally folded in half…
I think that God was having fun at my expense. Perhaps He was reminding me that I need to get over myself. This problem was a broken shoe…just a broken shoe. But, it was a life lesson.
If you are embarrassed or ashamed about your life’s situation, I understand. A loved one’s addiction is a big deal for you and me. It’s not too big for God. He wants us to reach out beyond the fear…beyond the shame so that He can show us the magnitude of His love and power.
Let me remind you of something very important: God created you just the way that he wanted. You are uniquely made for a very specific purpose. There is no mistake. We’ve all made mistakes. But, you are not the mistake.
I challenge you to scoot your way past the shame. Trust that God is with you. And, most of all, know that He loves you no matter what!