My Family’s Past Meets My Present…

Eleven years before I was born, Henry Heaton died.  He was my paternal grandfather and he was an alcoholic.

I don’t know much about him.  What I do know explains a lot about the fear and shame that I inherited surrounding the disease of addiction. There was one story that my dad told many times.  I now realize that it must have had special meaning for him.

Daddy was just sixteen years old when Henry found him and his brother Dewey working in the fields for another farmer.  He came to collect their pay.  For whatever reason, that day my dad told him that he couldn’t have it.  He knew that if he let him, the family would never see a penny of the money.

When he refused, Henry raised a hand to hit my dad.  This time, instead of taking the beating, he caught his father’s hand in midair.  He looked directly at him and said, “Dad, you’re not ever going to hit me again.  If you do, I will leave and never come back.”

My grandfather never hit him again. I think he knew that my dad had made a decision that day.  It was a decision that would set up a standard for the rest of his life.

Perhaps Daddy was surprised by his own actions.  His decision was probably an unconscious one. Even so, he stood up to the fear and shame of this disease.  Many times, we believe that there is no way out of the mess.  We can’t see a clear path.  But, that is only a lie, told by the enemy.

This is a family disease.  We are all affected.  Henry’s life influenced mine.  Today, I understand that even though we never met, his family system and later my father’s impacted mine.  My dad’s courage began the process of breaking the cycle.  He faced his fears and ignored the shame.  He set an example.

When the day came, where I had to say to my addicted loved ones, “You can’t stay here. I cannot continue to watch you kill yourself, it’s too hard,” I knew that I had to walk through my own fear.  I had to face the devil. I knew that I couldn’t continue on.  I had to trust God.

I am learning that my history doesn’t always remain in the past.  I must connect my past to my present and learn from it.  Only then can I change my internalized beliefs and learn a new way of proceeding.

How has your past shaped your today?