Yesterday, I traveled a hundred miles to visit with my sisters in my hometown. It’s always good to reconnect with family. When we get together time feels irrelevant. It’s just me and my sisters being who we’ve always been.
Alone, I often feel burdened by the struggles that life brings me but when we are together, I gain strength and comfort. They help me find joy.
As we catch up on the news of our respective families, our banter brings with it an essence of playfulness from our father and the gentle calm of our mother. This is where I still find home.
One sister has been reading my manuscript. It comes at a time where she needs it. Her feedback has been affirming. It’s good to know that my work can be helpful to others.
Not everyone in my family feels the same way. Some family members don’t understand why I would want to talk about a subject like addiction. It seems that they see it as an airing of dirty laundry. Sometimes I wonder myself. It’s not an easy topic for discussion. It’s like death and cancer… except with addiction many still see it as a moral failing.
This morning as I was watching the Today Show there was a segment called, “Quoted by Hoda” where Today show host, Hoda Katb asks celebrities what their favorite quote is.
This morning’s interview was with Jonathan Van Ness of “Queer Eye.” He said that he loved an interview that figure skater Michelle Kwan did with Jay Leno where he asked her how it felt to lose the gold medal.
“I didn’t lose the gold, I won the silver.” she said.
For me, the essence of the story that ultimately made her quote so ‘quotable’ is that for whatever reason, we tend to focus on the ‘bad part’ of things and lose proper prospective.
And while there are plenty of bad things associated with the disease of addiction, the understanding of it gets lost in those details. Education gives us proper perspective. My twelve-step program reminds us that ‘we are as sick as our secrets.’
As I sat with my family yesterday, a young family member told me how a kid at school saw her and said, “I heard about your dad. I hope you don’t turn out like him when you grow up.”
I will admit, this made me angry. The very human side of me wanted vengeance. Instead, I sat with the story and asked God how I could help.
Her words took up space in my mind last night. And I knew for certain why I must keep talking about this subject. If I keep silent, I will have let ignorance back me into the corner. I will have aided and abetted the secret. And, the disease will continue to gain strength.
I’d first like to address the kid who said that to my family member at school: I hope she turns out like her dad. He has a gentle soul and the kindest heart. He loves nature and animals. He’s an amazing cook. She would be lucky to be like him.
I also hope that she never suffers from his disease. He is not his disease. They are two entirely different things. Addiction has hijacked his personal freedom and made him do things that he would never do if he were not enslaved by it.
He will need time to find recovery. His family would appreciate your prayers. We will pray for you, too. I understand that we all face something. Every one of us. Usually our own personal shame is what makes us lash out at others in an effort to make ourselves feel better about the thing that is going on in our family. So, let’s pray for each other instead.
Let’s keep talking. If you’d like to join me in this conversation, share this post. It’s very important conversation.