I am Team Rock AND Team Smith…

If you are alive and connected to any sort of electronic device, you’ve seen this picture. You’ve heard many arm-chair commentators give you their perception of what occurred on Oscar night 2022.

The thing that was so surprising to me was how we, as a people (me included) automatically take sides. It seems to be our default setting. If one person does something wrong, then the other must be right. Right?

Full disclosure… I immediately stood behind ‘Team Smith.’ I’d just read Will Smith’s new book, “Will”. In the first pages, he recalls a time as a boy where he sees his father punch his mother in the face. As a boy, he is unable to do anything to protect his mother. That day he labels himself a coward. It’s how he’s seen himself since.

Because I’d read that excerpt, I felt compassion for Will Smith. I felt that his ‘child within’ was protecting the current woman in his life, because now he’s big enough to. Granted, his inner child still needs to do some growing up…

I was irritated with Chris Rock. I felt that I knew Will Smith’s intentions. They were to protect–even though his method of protection needed a little 12-step work. But Chris Rock intended to get laugh out of someone who struggled through no fault of her own. This felt cheap and wrong to me.

The truth is, I don’t know Chris Rock’s story. I don’t know what brought him to this place; what motivated him to use this kind of humor. News commentators said that he went off script with that joke; that he didn’t realize that Jada Smith had a medical condition. He hadn’t thought it through. How many times have I done that very thing without thinking? Too many to count.

As I read the comments of others, seeing that the commenters reactions were filtered through their life experiences and their personal wounds, I’ve decided that I am now Team Smith & Team Rock. I am able to apply Father Greg Boyle, SJ’s famous quote, “There is no us and them, there is only us.” to this situation.

Will Smith and Chris Rock represent each of us. Each of us, as humans, have a life experience that we see everything through. The thing is that it’s automatic. We are rarely aware of what we are doing. Awareness is the first step to healing. We have to wake up to what it is that we are doing and explore why we do it.

Are our actions kind? Have we taken a pause? I believe that when we do, the pause is an invitation for God to enter the situation. In the pause, we slow down and take a breath. In the pause, we might move beyond our emotions and just observe the situation before us. How will my actions affect the other? Will the way that I re-act say more about me than the person who I feel is offending me?

I remember learning in my 12-step group that the word ‘sarcasm’ means ‘tearing flesh’. Since that day, I make a concerted effort to eliminate sarcasm. If I slip, I immediately apologize. Before, I didn’t realize what that kind of ‘humor’ really did. Now, I don’t see it as funny at all.

I’m starting to see that we are all both Will Smith and Chris Rock. We are all humans with good traits and shortcomings. If you’ve read Henri Nouwen’s, “The Return of the Prodigal Son” then you have been challenged to see yourself as each character in that parable. Maybe the healing recipe is to do the same to situations in our everyday life.

Perhaps we can take this instance with Will Smith and Chris Rock and learn from it. When I see something in someone else that bothers me, it is usually because that person highlights something in myself that I don’t like. What can I learn from this situation?

God is in all things. We are all his children. He doesn’t take sides. What is he teaching us here? What do we need to learn about ourselves? What can this situation teach us about changing ourselves? How can this help me see others? Can I find compassion for my brothers and sisters in Christ?

This kind of thinking is what is often referred to as emotional sobriety. With emotional sobriety, we are able to allow our feelings and emotions to come and not react upon them. We see what they have to teach us. Then we let them go. When we do this, we stop seeing things as either/or. This perspective moves us from a place of disconnection to connection. That is where healing happens.

Don’t forget to join me at the following venues signing books: Ave Maria Grotto in Cullman Alabama on April 22, 2022 and the Nashville Marian conference April 29, 2022. My next retreats are at Ignatius House in Atlanta, GA in June and at Bethany Retreat Center at the end of September