Facing the Storm

My parents had two distinct ways of viewing and dealing with storms.

My mother kept watch over the sky until her fear worked her up into full-on panic. Her voice would raise itself at least two full octaves as she gathered us kids into the small hallway between the boy’s and girl’s bedrooms, shouting for us to sit down and face the wall.

My father was often at work when this happened. But, when he was home, he behaved in a different manner altogether. Instead of hunkering down in an area without windows or doors, he would go outside and stand on the porch in search of the storm. He wanted to see it, know where it was headed and understand what we were facing.

Many times, I’d go to the door and say, “Daddy hurry, come inside. It looks bad.”

He’d look at me and say, “Jean Marie, when the good Lord wants to take me, He will.” I’m going to see what’s going on.” He was calm and matter of fact. I knew that the conversation was over.

As I’ve grown older and have lived through a number of storms, I realize that they come in many forms and I’ve spent plenty of time hiding from them—just as my mother did.

But the day came when I decided that I was tired of being afraid. I thought about my dad’s courage to go outside and face the storm. Like him, I know that when the storms come, the good Lord will be right there beside me, come what may.

For me, the worst storms of my life have not been of the meteorological variety—though I’ve lived through of few of those too. The worst storms for any parent are those that threaten the lives of their children—no matter their age.

I’ve watched the disease of addiction storm into many lives. I understand many things that I didn’t early on. I didn’t understand because I used to hide from it. It seemed too scary. I didn’t want to deal with it. Maybe if I hid myself from it, it would just blow over.

That didn’t happen. Instead, I had to muster the courage to face the storm. Now, I know what it is that I’m facing. I understand how it works. I’ve learned to live in its midst.

I have been a faithful member of a twelve-step group for families of those affected by this disease for almost ten years. And, sometimes I forget how much I’ve learned over that span of time. Every once in a while, I am reminded when something happens that makes me see how little the general public understands this problem.

It happened last week when I saw a mugshot of someone dear to me who suffers from the disease. The picture was shared by a small-town radio station on Facebook. It was shared forty times.

I wondered what would motivate someone to want to share that post? What do they hope to gain? Have they thought about the person’s family? Have they considered their children? More importantly, have they looked into that person’s eyes? And, if they did why can’t they see the suffering that I see?

Today, I invite you to join me and face the storm. You see, it’s not just my storm. It’s yours too. Addiction is at epidemic proportions. It affects your community, those at your work, at your church and in your town. We’ve lost more folks to overdose than we lost during the Vietnam Conflict. Let that sink in.

Addiction doesn’t discriminate. It touches every race, religion and socioeconomic level. Most every family has been touched somewhere along their family tree.

If we are to face this storm, it is important for us to remember first and foremost that just because we sin differently than a person who suffers from an addiction does not mean that we should sit in judgment of them. If you ask yourself the question, ‘What would Jesus do?’ then you’d need to remember that Jesus always leaned heavily on the side of mercy. Perhaps we should too.

Scripture will even give us examples of what he’d do. For example, in the gospel of John where the scribes and the Pharisees brought the woman to Jesus that had been caught in adultery, they knew that the punishment for that offense was death by stoning, but they wanted to test Jesus so they asked him what they should do. Instead of answering, he bent down and began to write on the ground with his finger.

St. Augustine felt that Jesus was writing the offenses committed by the men who brought this woman to Jesus. It makes sense to me because of what he does next. He rises and says, “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” The men walked away. Jesus asked the woman who was there to condemn her. She said that no one was there. Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go and from now on do not sin anymore.”

If we are to face this storm, we need to understand that when a person chooses to use a mind-altering substance, he is doing so because he doesn’t feel good about himself. After all, the root cause of all addictions is toxic shame.

We need to know that when they take a drug or drink and it takes the feeling of not being enough away, their use can quickly become abuse. Soon their bodies will feel as if it needs the drug or drink. In other words, it will physiologically become dependent. Before long, dependence turns to addiction.

The addicted person will feel that they need the drink or substance like they need air to breathe. They will do things that they normally wouldn’t do if they were not addicted. Their disease will fight to stay alive and make them think that they must continue to drink or use above all else. The old adage “Just say No” is a farce. Willpower does not work if there is an addiction.

If we are to face this storm, we need to understand that you can arrest this disease but you can’t cure it. It is a ‘one day at a time’ endeavor. The addict or alcoholic can NEVER drink or use again. If they do—they will be lost to this disease again. As the saying goes, “One drink is one too many and a thousand is never enough.”

If we are to face this storm, we need to realize that this is a family disease. The addiction of one family member affects every member of the family. At first, families try to clean up the mess caused by those who are affected. They may become angry and frustrated.

Twelve-step groups can help family members begin to heal. They can help them learn how to stop contributing to their loved one’s disease. They can help family members learn to take care of themselves.

If we are to face this storm, we need to know the twelve-step saying, “You are as sick as your secrets.” Coming out of isolation is key to recovery. To come out of isolation there needs to be a feeling of safety for those who are affected by this disease and for their families.

If we are to face this storm, we need to know that there is hope. There is also help. I believe that understanding and love are the key. Twelve-step programs are spiritual solutions to a spiritual malady. We can make sure that there are twelve-step options available in our towns.

Finally, if we are to face this storm together, we will be blessed in ways that are unimaginable.  God will be there in those moments when we choose to turn and walk in the direction of the storm. I know this to be true. Will you join me?