Bill Wilson, a co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), often told the story of his spiritual awakening. It is an inspiring account that you should read if you haven’t. But, I want to focus on what came before. I want to emphasize the bad period of his life for the purpose of reflection.
You see Bill W. lost job after job. He lost his home. His wife had to take a job to support them. He often stole money from her purse to afford his liquor. He hid his booze all over his home. He lost over 40 lbs. He lost all his friends.
He was hospitalized many times, sometimes in the finest mental institutions of his time. He didn’t want to drink, yet he couldn’t stop. Once he moved his mattress to the bottom floor of his house to stop himself from jumping out of the second story window. His shame was compounded with each and every relapse. Can you imagine how his family members felt?
I’m sure many of you can. I wanted you to hear just how bad things got for the man who started a fellowship responsible for saving countless lives. I wanted you to know that his family probably couldn’t imagine the possibility of his sobriety. I wanted you to see that hope exists.
During Bill’s last hospitalization, he was told that he would not be able to survive another bender. He was hopeless on his own. I’m sure that many people thought that he’d gotten himself into this mess, he should get himself out of it. In the past, I’ve heard people say the same things about my loved ones. Those voices are not helpful. They are just noise unworthy of your attention.
The arrival of Bill’s old drinking buddy marked the beginning of the end of his drinking. Bill and his friend sat at the kitchen table to talk. Bill pushed a gin-filled glass towards his friend. He refused. He told Bill that he got religion. Bill considered that the friend had gone from alcoholic insanity to religious insanity.
But then he observed, that his friend didn’t rant. He didn’t tell him what he should or shouldn’t do. He told him how his higher power changed (converted) him. Through hours of discussion, Bill saw the change in his friend. Possibility emerged from a path he hadn’t seen before.
Religion has a bad reputation for judging others. No wonder Bill was skeptical. But, Jesus never left me with the impression that he was judging others. Jesus stood with the sinners and marginalized, giving them the strength to heal. If we want our loved ones to see the possibility of a path that they can’t see, be the change you want to see in them. Participate in the exchange of love (CCC 221).
Maybe you don’t take drugs or abuse alcohol. Do you eat too much? Do you spend too much? Do you work too much? Do you avoid doing your own inner work? Do you work to heal the things in you that need healing? Does your relationship with God radiate from within you? Are you Jesus for those in your community?
Telling your loved ones what to do is playing God. When you begin to work on what ails you, you are like Jesus standing beside your loved ones. This might help them see a way forward.
The holiday season brings about a wide range of feelings. For some, it reminds them of the magic of childhood wonder. For others, the emotional weight of knowing that the season won’t measure up in any way can overwhelm. I imagine that we all go through each of those categories and sometimes live in places in between.
My thoughts this year have been with those whose holiday will never be the same. Too many have lost loved ones to this disease. I struggle because I feel as if I have nothing to offer. There are no words or actions that can soothe the hurt of a lost loved one. Still, I pray…
Then there are those whose loved ones are still struggling. Carrying the worry of a loved one suffering from this disease is a heavy load to carry. For you, I say work on yourself and pray for them. Your loved one is on their own journey. Learning to love as Jesus did heals: us and them.