And The Soul Felt Its Worth…

A few years ago, I attended a retreat at Ignatius House in Atlanta, GA and Father Greg Boyle, SJ directed the retreat. He told many stories but the one story that seems to have embedded itself into my heart is the one that he tells above. Father Greg is a hero to me. I believe that he helped me grow up my idea of love. Until I saw how he put love into practice, my idea of love had the guard rails of fear wrapped around it.

My Unconscious Idea of God

I used to unconsciously fear God because I knew how many ways that I’d done things wrong. My mind referenced a distorted image of God. That image of God was laser focused on the areas that I’d messed up. Because I had a skewed image of God, I didn’t trust him. How could he accept and love imperfect me? I didn’t want to get too close to God because I was afraid of losing (my illusion of) control. That was a means of protecting myself (from God).

Do You Have Love or Fear?

Today I believe what scripture says in 1 John 4:18: ‘There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love.’ When fear tries to creep in, I am awakened to its presence and know its MO (modis operandi). With God’s help and the work that I do to recover (ongoing), I move beyond each fear as it comes along.

In the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), in chapter 5 ‘How it Works’, the goal of a 4th step is to master resentments and outgrow fear. To me, there are two key things that need to happen in order for this to happen: I need a healed image of God and a healed image of self.

Healing the Images of God & Self

The story that Father Greg told about hearing his mother sing ‘O Holy Night’ is instrumental in the work that I do to recover from fear. The lyrics of ‘O Holy Night’ were originally written by Placide Chapeau, a French poet. The first verse is as follows:

O holy night the stars are brightly shining. It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth. Long lay the world in sin and error pining. Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth. A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices, For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn…

Till he appeared and the soul felt its worth. That’s it. That is the goal of this work. Can you set aside the skewed image of God that you’ve been carrying? Can you make room for the God who is love without conditions? If you can, then the soul will feel it’s worth.

My friends if you ever get that nagging feeling of not being enough, go back to the image of God that you hold. Ask God to help you heal. Pay attention to where he’s been in your day. Get to know Him. As you get to know the creator, you will come to know his creation–you.

May God bless you and your family during this holiday season. May you grow in love and understanding. May your family heal as you do your work. Amen.