When Hank Williams, Jr. wrote the song about his country music family asking him, “Hank, why do you drink? Hank, why do you roll smoke? Why must you live out the songs that you wrote” he could have written it about millions of families. It is relatable. I guess that is why it became so popular.
I can see how he might think that it is the legacy of his people and just accept it. In my own family, the disease of addiction goes back to my grandfather, Henry who died before I was born. Friends in the program are rarely the only generation of their family who has been affected. Beyond my generation, there are a host of my parent’s grandchildren who have been touched by the disease.
I’ve often dreamed about what it would have been like if my grandfather had discovered a twelve-step meeting and found sobriety. It’s a gift my imagination wants to give to my dad. Maybe it’s still my disease wanting to fix things… Who knows?
Either way, the fact remains that even though Hank,Jr. saw his alcohol and drug use as something that is part of his family’s lexicon, as family members we have options. We get to choose how we move forward.
A friend in the program sent me this picture. With her permission, I am sharing it with you because I find it so moving. It is from a parents weekend where this friend and her child sat together to change the direction of their family.
My friend and her child are doing the work to learn ‘why they drink and why they roll smoke’ as Hank put it. They have decided not to buy into the hype of the family legacy anymore.
Changing the direction of a family legacy begins with just one person. And, it begins with one small step on one individual day. Day after day, that one person continues to move forward, a small step at a time.
Progress will wax and wane. Sometimes it will feel like nothing has changed. But it has. Because that one person, on that one day, made a decision that it would be different for her family.
As family members we learn that we can only change ourselves. Many times, the changes that we make affect others in a positive way that touches them and makes them want to make their own changes.
Anything is possible.